To be sung to the Tune of Run D.M.C.’s Christmas in Hollis:
It was December 23rd when I arrived at his house
After 8 hours driving I was ready for the couch
He said, “You’ll nap later. Come here, don’t play.”
Then he put my ass to sleep right to the next day
Woke up reminiscing – how 3 weeks before
He was in Massachusetts – surprised me at my door
I said what you want and then he spit his shit
He said, “Why don’t you be my gift on December 25th?”
What a good moment and here I paused
He passed the blunt to me I was out for the cause
Back door he left open he went into the kitchen
Got up to follow him just to see what he was fixing
I looked for some suspicion something ain’t quite right
“You gonna wash these dishes?” Nigga put up a fight
When I go to lay down for a nap I start itching
Must be some mosquitoes. Close the door, stop bitching,
It’s Christmas time, and now I’m peeved
He’s cooking in the kitchen that’s so unclean
Plating steak and stuffing, who he trying to feed?
Girl, lay down again and put your mind at ease.
Woke up and a panic and such a fright
When I touched over my body, I had so many bites.
Now what’s that shit I just looked to the rug?
Yo this Howard nigga just gave me bed bugs.
My girl called me and I explained the situation
She said get the fuck out with no hesitation.
I booked a hotel ditched all my shit
Now my wardrobe fit’s a Target trip.
My aunt was cooking so I ain’t miss out.
Good food’s what Christmas is all about
But then I got a call – tore me up inside
“Come back to New York, your uncle just died.
My name’s Jammy B. now I understand
That sometimes things don’t to go according to plan
Last lessons wild, but it’s very true:
Avoid these dirty niggas that try to pursue you.